The ultimate wedding checklist!
I was recently told by one of my lovely wedding clients that I was the first thing they booked for their wedding; when they first contacted me they hadn’t yet chosen anything other than the date, and now their musician (I know, I know, that’s a painfully smug way to begin a blog post but give me a break, this is the place where I’m supposed to sell myself!! It’s absolutely true as well). It got me thinking though about all of the things a couple needs to have in place for their wedding.
I’ve been working intimately with marrying couples and wedding venues for some years now and it struck me - while assisting a close friend whose left just about everything til the last minute (if you’re reading this, I love you, and it will all be perfect!!) - that it may be helpful to offer people a checklist of things to consider. I’ll turn this into a web page soon but for now I thought I’d put my thoughts into a blog post. So read on, and do make sure you hang in there until the final point because it’s a doozy…
Moonacre wedding venue in Dorset. Shot by Toby HP Photography
Venue
Before the music is even considered - traditionally speaking - people will normally want to secure a wedding venue. There is no right or wrong to this. I play regularly at unassuming hotels in/around cities that exist almost entirely to host wedding after wedding and each big day is no less charming for having taken place at a ‘regular’ venue. Most venues will either supply or be able to recommend sources for just about everything in this post and most couples find a way to put their own unique stamp on the day, whether it be through choice of flowers, a hiphop first dance or by choosing the perfect musician to pop up at serenade the guests at all the right points during the day…(sorry, couldn’t resist). On the flip side, some couples find the most weird and wonderful venues to get married at, making the whole thing super unique from the start. Most of the pictures in this post were taken from the wedding of a lovely couple - Calum & Zara - at Moonacre Weddings in Dorset. It’s a fabulous outdoor, forest venue with marquees for the indoor bits, and there are venues like this all over the country. What does your dream day look like? If you close your eyes and picture it, what do you see? Write down a description and then use that to google the perfect venue for you.
One piece of advice: Get this booked early. Venues can be booked up two years ahead and you don’t want to miss out, so get cracking! As with most listings in this post there are just too many amazing venues to list them all here but a few that spring to mind for me are:
Moonacre Weddings, Dorset - As already mentioned. Beautiful outdoor venue with a forrest chapel, space to camp etc: https://instagram.com/moonacre_dorset
Tunnels Beaches, North Devon - It’s a quirky name and a quirky venue but oh what a beauty! Situated in Ilfracombe, North Devon, and accessed via a long, narrow tunnel, this stunning venue overlooks the sea. If you like the idea of waves crashing on the rocks while you say ‘I do’ then get in touch: https://instagram.com/tunnelsbeaches
Midelney Manor, Somerset - The perfect old English manor with beautiful gardens, old redbrick walls and fantastic oldy-worldy indoor spaces: https://instagram.com/midelney_manor
Quantock Lakes, North Somerset - One of surprisingly few venues I visit where the indoor parts of the venue don’t feel like a ‘plan b’. The Gardens here, surrounded by the lake and Quantock hills have a gorgeous little bridge and pontoon for outdoor weddings but if it happens to rain, this is one venue where everything indoors also feels well tended and intentional (I also attended a wedding here for one of my family and can tell you the accommodation is fairly vast compared to most venues and features a hot tub, swimming pool, barbecue areas and more): https://instagram.com/quantocklakesuk
Stills photographer
Almost no aspect of the ‘traditional’ wedding is mandatory anymore and even photography (in a world where we all carry cameras in our pocket) is on that list. However, for me, there’s much more satisfaction in high quality shots of the important moments (and not having to rely on friends to remember to get their phones out). Photography has come a long way over the decades and there are some awesome photographers for reportage shots (discreetly capturing the personal moments as they happen, like a camera ninja) as well as the more formal posed stuff.
Doing what I do, I come across multiple great photographers every single week so I can’t list them all, but here’s a few who spring to mind (if I’ve missed you, I’m really sorry, there’s been a lot to remember for this post!!). Oh, and every single one of these people is super sweet to deal with! Here goes:
Copper and Blossom Photography - Kate has been a friend of mine for longer than either of us would care to admit. She’s brilliant at what she does (fun fact, Kate used to shoot music artists for the BBC and shot the first ever promo shots for my band Young Martyrs!): https://instagram.com/copperandblossom
QuietInTheWild Weddings - Dan is not only an excellent wedding photographer but has also been shooting most of my music photography for the last few years so your shots are guaranteed to be rock & roll: https://instagram.com/quietinthewildweddings
Toby HP Photography - Toby shot one of the most picturesque weddings I’ve attended in recent times and it’s mostly his shots featured in this post: https://instagram.com/tobyhpphotography
Russell How - The guy who shot my wedding! The nicest guy and hugely talented. In fact there may be a little gift from him at the end of this post, albeit one that’s almost 14 years old as I write this…: https://instagram.com/russellhow
Cindy Kitchker Photography - I had to list Cindy because apart from taking great shots, she had one of the most contagiously uplifting personalities of people I’ve worked with around weddings; she had me and the guests laughing on the day and I still chuckle when we occasionally chat on the socials now. Who doesn’t want that at their wedding?!: https://instagram.com/cindy.kitchker.photography
Film photographer
More and more these days I’m seeing film photography as well as a stills photographer at weddings. No, not like in the 80s where someone had a camcorder on a tripod to capture the ceremony in full, complete with totally inaudible vows. I mean someone with a regular looking camera who is capturing short moments as magic little grabs of time to weave into video content later on. This might well be covered by your stills photographer but it’s worth asking them beforehand if you definitely want this. Some will do it themselves while others will work with a second photographer. Some will even come equipped with a drone for capturing things from a birds eye view. I won’t hit you with a big list this time but I will mention Phil Brown Photography who was the first photographer to send me a reel of really cool footage I didn’t even realise he was taking: https://instagram.com/philbrownphotography
Cake
Let them eat cake. Or cheese. Or Eton mess. Does it really matter what you have for desert? Well, it might do. Guests want something sweet and/or novel to look forward to and you want something that’s perfectly personal to you on the day. On my wedding day we asked the caterers doing our food and supplying the bar if they had any ideas because we were already out of cash. They suggested Eton mess, and it turned out to be just right in the end as it was all we could afford and a personal favourite of mine. However, we did lose out on the ceremony of having something to cut and present to people. If that’s important to you I will make two excellent recommendations based on my locale but you can google for your area if these don’t suit:
Boho cakes - Lisa is just ace and her cakes have everyone taking photos all day long https://instagram.com/boho.cakes
Paxton & Whitfield - If you fancy something a little different, why not go for a massive tower of amazing cheeses?: https://instagram.com/paxtonscheeses
Flowers
Nothing sprinkles magic on an important day like flowers; a bit of flora scattered through proceedings can make the difference between your big day looking like a cookie cutter copy of other people’s weddings or looking like something totally unique. The seasonal nature of what flowers are available also lends a magnificently personal time stamp to the period in which you’re tying the knot. Some venues will offer in-house options for this but others will not, or the options may be limited, so it’s worth googling wedding florists in your area. In the meantime I present you with two completely brilliant options:
Bohemian Blooms - Louisa has been cultivating blooms for years and recently picked up sticks and moved her family to a new location just so she can tend to her own personal flower farm. She lives for it: https://instagram.com/bohemianbloomsuk
Arie and Vine - For something a little different I cannot recommend Jade enough. Jade works predominantly with dried flower arrangements and they’re absolutely exquisite. Check out her photos and you’ll see what I mean: https://instagram.com/arieandvine
Lil’ ol’ me about to sing the bride down the aisle at Moonacre wedding venue in Dorset. Shot by Toby HP Photography
Music
Ok, it was only a matter of time before I went there. But it’s not all about me!! Music - in any form - provides the soundtrack to your big day. Choosing the right kind of music for the right parts of the day can elevate your wedding to be truly unforgettable. The kinds of music you use might include perfectly curated Spotify playlists, a DJ, a full function band, a fantastic solo singing guitarist, a string quartet, a wandering mariachi band…it really is up to you. One request I do have is this: if you’re just having someone play your bridal entrance music through a stereo, please, please, please ask them to fade it out when you reach your position - there is nothing worse than someone just hitting ‘stop’ mid-verse and the room falling into immediate, awkward silence!! Sincerely, every time I witness this I just wish the couple had asked me to play the song live for them because my speciality is this perfect moment, and knowing how to bring it to a graceful close just at the right instant. Anyway, whatever you decide (honestly, please just book me, you’ll be so relieved that you did), here are the parts of the day you might want to consider having some kind of music for:
Welcome/getting settled music - Traditionally, guests arrive pretty close to the ceremony so you don’t need to arrange heaps of entertainment for them, however you should expect them to be on site 15-30 minutes before the main event. What music will set the tone for them? What will wow them as they arrive?
The big entrance - Who is going to be making an entrance that you want your guests to observe? How many are in the party? How long is the walk going to be? And what tune are you choosing to mark the big trip? It’s worth noting that while most couples choose a very special song for this moment (often because of the full lyrical content or theme of the song), most big entrances are surprisingly quick and you’ll generally only hear a verse and chorus of the song, if that. A really good musician (ahem) will know how to structure a version of your chosen tune to make sure you get at least one chorus before it’s brought to a tasteful finish at the alter/equivalent. If you have a long walk that requires careful planning while bridesmaids etc time their entrances, a really, really good musician will work with you to get it perfect ;)
Register signing - There’s a bit in the middle where the couple will either sign a real register or pose to act this out for photos. It usually lasts around 5-10 minutes, or in my experience; a little longer than one song and a little shorter than three. This is the one part of the ceremony where guests are allowed to chat and having music played is a good way to keep the atmosphere romantic. It doesn’t need as much thought as the big entrance and I normally get asked to pick a couple of wedding-appropriate songs myself for this bit.
The first exit as a married couple - Was there a second choice for the big entrance? Now is the time to use it, as the bride and groom walk back through their guests together hand in hand.
The drinks reception/canapé hour - this part normally lasts anything up to a couple of hours in reality, depending on the time of day the wedding is taking place. Having a live musician at this point in my opinion is where the absolute gold is. The bride and groom will spend some of this time having photos taken - maybe nearby, maybe out in the fields while everyone else drinks their bubbly for them - but this is the part where the guests first let their hair down. Having some live music to keep them entertained until dinner is ready is one surefire way to make a memorable statement on your carefully planned big day.
The wedding breakfast - A lot of people opt for quiet backing music or no music at all while guests eat but in my experience some chill background music works perfectly here too.
The bit after that - People have eaten, top buttons have been undone, belts loosened, sleeves rolled up, heels replaced with flats. But you need to keep them awake, there is still more to come! Some great music after eating is a very good idea. I would say at this point you don’t want a disco, you want something not too chilled but somewhere in the middle to keep people moving a bit but not to peak too soon! The cutting of the cake - if that’s happening - will probably take place during this bit so whoever’s doing the music will need a signal to know when to take a brief break. Again, a solo performer or acoustic duo or something with strings would be a perfect choice here.
The first dance! - Don’t let me tell you what to do here. I have had some of my proudest moments as a musician playing people’s first dance and I love it, but some people want the exact recording of their chosen tune for this specific moment and I completely understand that. Make your choice and let whoever’s in control of music know what’s happening (you’d be surprised how often neither the musician nor the DJ nor the venue have been told who’s responsible for this bit…!!).
The evening music - Believe it or not, this part is an opportunity to make your special day as personal as you like. I’d say more often than not, people will opt at this point to switch to a big function band or a DJ or to have their acoustic musicians step up to their most upbeat set, but I’ve also attended weddings where a less formal atmosphere is employed with guests getting up (usually asked to prepare beforehand) to perform, or where people retire to campfires to do their own thing, or where the newlyweds just want to absolve themselves of responsibility and ask the venue to turn Spotify up while everyone catches up and lets loose. It’s really up to you. For me, it’s where my punchy, acoustic versions of 80s & 90s pop and rock classics come out and everyone gets moving!
Transport & acommodation
The venue my (now) wife and I fell in love with when we went looking was in a location that wasn’t convenient for anyone. On paper, it didn’t work at all, but we knew it was ‘the one’ and that was that. In truth, most venues I visit aren’t in convenient locations, that’s probably how the entrepreneurial owners could afford to buy it and turn it into a wedding venue, and that’s just the norm these days. So how are you going to get there? And where will you stay? Is there accommodation on site? Is that just for you or for close family too? And what about everyone else? You may decide it’s not for you to find a bed for every guest (I know we didn’t) but a list of things like hotels, B&Bs and taxi companies for the area would be a really handy gift to guests to help them make the most of your day.
In terms of how you arrive at your big day I’ve seen everything from Tractors to Ferraris and once again, it’s really up to you. A personal favourite is for a wedding I’m yet to attend (happening in August) where the small congregation of twenty-two people are being picked up form the main venue in a 1960s bus to be taken to a local restaurant and then delivered back to the venue again later. How cool is that? So think outside the box!
Bathrooms
Ok, most venues have this covered but if you’re going off-script and having your wedding celebration somewhere a little different, have you considered where people might go to…erm…freshen up? There are a ton of excellent portable ‘events’ bathroom/toilet companies out there (frankly I’ve visited nicer bathrooms at some weddings than I have at posh hotels, and they don’t all cost the earth. Ask your venue if they supply toilets (if it’s an indoor venue this is probably a given but worth double-checking if it’s a rustic outdoor affair). If it’s something you need to organise yourself, Google ‘events toilets’ or ‘festival toilets’ and you’ll be met with a range of options from the budget to the sublime.
Calum & Zara at Moonacre wedding venue in Dorset. Shot by Toby HP Photography
Are you actually getting married on your wedding day?
And finally…is this actually your wedding day? I know it sounds like a silly question but actually a lot of people get married in private or with a couple of close friends on a separate date either before or after the wedding. Registrars get booked up a long way in advance for weddings ‘out in the field’ so it’s not unusual to pick a date and then struggle to get someone to officially marry you. You can either avoid this by booking well in advance (sound advice for every element of this post!) or by booking into your local registry office for a simple but personal service at a separate date. If you’re doing this then you don’t actually need a qualified registrar to be there on the day since what you’re doing is entirely ceremonial. This doesn’t make it any less special; if anything it means you have more control over what can be said on the day since it doesn’t have to be legally binding. I have in fact been asked to officiate a friend’s wedding this summer and I can’t wait!! I’m not ordained or anything but I’ll be taking it as seriously - and structuring it as weddingly-y - as if it were happening in a church (probably less mention of god etc but you get the picture). My friends decided they’d get married in their current hometown and make a special, quiet day of it, then we’ll do the ceremonial thing in style with me at the helm afterwards. I wasn’t nervous until I just literally wrote that down on the screen here in front of me…wish me luck!!!!
Whatever happens…
Your day is going to be perfect. Of the two weddings I am currently most looking forward to as a guest, one is a tiny, personal affair in a pretty little AirB&B in the Somerset countryside and the other is on a beach in Sicily where (amongst other things) a tattooist has been hired to provide inking to those desiring it while the celebrations take place. There is no right or wrong. You are going to do your day, your way, and hopefully with the people (and only the people) you really want around you. If there was ever a day for you to ‘do you’, this is your chance. Don’t do it for anyone else. Don’t do anything just because you think you ought to or because anyone expects it of you. Take some time, write down all the things you want to see on your big day and then, if you can, make it so.
TC x
PS, a little gift since you’ve stuck with me all the way through this huge blog post…a picture of myself and my Kara Leigh on our wedding day, 18th September 2010! Shot by Russell Howe. It was the perfect day!!
